2025: Review

I dedicated the last article to the theme of the year – love.

Now for the full year review.

I've trimmed it to be about a quarter of the size of the full shebang. Probably still too much for the modern attention span; which is good, as it means few eyes will survive until the gory parts towards the end.

I commence the festivities by boasting about the highlights of my year, doing my very best to paint a narrative that convinces both myself and you that I'm on a magical journey and that my life is actually going somewhere.

I beg you to permit me to do so without labelling me as arrogant. Why? Because this charade is in fact a dastardly ploy. After building myself up, I will cut myself to the ground with the sniping cynicism I spent my teenage years honing in the dojo of the cut-throat all boys' St Paul's School atrium. Plenty of negativity to come.

Boasting: How I Evolved This Year

• I Took Off. I launched Gulun Kung Fu Online in July, facilitating Shifu teaching online for the first time. It has been a great success: 20+ members joining our calls, over 70 people in our Skool community within a week, comprehensive video libraries to take people through the GKF syllabus. Most important, though, the deepest practitioners I've ever taught. People who inspire me to deepen my own practice. No more being the one who's much more committed than most of his students. This has momentum and I'm confident it will continue to grow.

• I Reconnected. Shifu Shi Heng Zuan was my master for three years, and we had a very deep connection. When leaving him to come to China, I felt we had unfinished business. Everything felt like it came together in the moment he invited me and Shifu Wu Nanfang to teach at Shaolin Temple Europe next year.

• Gulun Kung Fu: Year Immersion. I stopped prancing around the globe dabbling in this and that. Spent an entire year in Songshan Mountain dedicating myself to one master, one lineage, one practice. I graduated from feeling like a student to part of the lineage itself. This stability enabled great depth.

• Home. After five years of guest house rooms and Kung Fu schools, I moved into an actual apartment with multiple rooms. Nice to have a 100% dark and silent bedroom where no devices go. And a deep work temple complete with infrared lighting to make it feel like Sin City.

• Body Transformation. A year of repeating GKF movements – in particular standing – transformed my body. More grounded, open in the back. Gradually becoming 'soft as cotton, hard as iron.' The GKF movement pattern is getting more deeply etched into my psyche. Managed chair splits in December, and front splits & chin to toe became much easier. Flexibility is excellent.

• Body. Turns out I didn't cause as much long-term damage to body as expected back in the day. Extensive testing showed my gut, liver, heart and spine have no problems. And my perceived gluten insensitivity is a placebo. My testosterone is at the top of the healthy range. Resting heart rate 43 and HRV 90+ when not sick. Without any weight training or calorie counting, my physique is better than when I was going at it full-time. At 81kg and 10% body fat, there’s nothing I’d changed. Finally got laser eye surgery – no more plastic in my eyes.

• Addictions. My battles with addictions used to dominate my diary. It feels they're long-gone, but it's important for me to take stock and feel gratitude for being relieved of this torment. This year, no intoxicants. Food was the most stable it's ever been – 0 binges. Tea and AI remain my foibles.

• Private Coaching. I let go of the word of mouth one-on-one coaching business model that is more suited to people who like talking with people. Felt stale. Shifted to a model where I meet students by doing what I love most: teaching Gong Fu and writing. Refocused my attention on building a group programme for writing – the most excited I've been about coaching for a long time. I matched my Goldman Sachs income for the first time – not bad when considering the cost of living here in China. All four of my long-term students will continue with me next year.

• I Fell in Love. Entered into the first committed relationship of my life, which has been an almost constant flow of joy. The beauty of love helped give me perspective. I co-hosted an event with Lele at a doTERRA (which I later discovered is a cult – story for another day) gathering in Macau for over 1,000 people. Interesting to see I came alive and wasn't nervous at all.

• Cracked Marketing. Finally got the feeling I've figured out marketing – particularly with the help of my AI systems. Though I haven't amassed a huge following, I've learned how it works – and crucially, how to play it without hating myself. Making it happen is no longer a matter of knowledge but execution.

• Chinese. I've now learned 1,200 characters. Investing in the Mandarin Blueprint Elite programme paid off. I can now translate Shifu's classes with reasonable fluency. I made the hallowed quantum leap in conversation where I can now speak with strangers about almost interesting topics.

• Retreats. Two vipassana retreats and one Osho Neo Vipassana retreat (shaking, dancing and other weird shit). Reasonably consistent Sunday deep nature days melting into silence.
  
  

Gratitude

Let me step back.

Another year practising Kung Fu and meditation for five hours per day in the mountains in China, training one-on-one with a Shaolin master.

I wake at 4am. Practice. Write. Train with Shifu. Teach. No commute. No office politics. No TV, news, social media, Netflix, alcohol, coffee and attending boring social events.

I can think of no work I would rather do than what I do. I am deeply connected at a heart level to my students and I am in love with writing. I spend basically my whole day doing things that matter to me—not tied down by the tentacles that trap most people.

Hot girlfriend, hot body (winky face).

I am impossibly lucky.

And Yet...

'When Thoreau said the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, this is what he was talking about. There's the part of you that wants to be agitated, to bust things up and see what they're really made of, and there's the part that keeps that part swallowed down; fear. Fear of losing what you have, but you don't really have anything. That's what the little voice is telling you. Nothing is yours and nothing you do matters. That's the problem with the agitator; he never lies, he never exaggerates, he always makes perfect sense. He's a rational little bastard, so the only way to deal with him is to drown him out.' – Jed McKenna, Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment

There's a bastard in my head that whispers: So what? He does this a lot.

From the outside, it looks like I'm 100% living the Kung Fu dream. Gave up the material comforts to chase my monklike fantasy. How romantic.

But as I step back and look at my life, I realise I'm at serious risk of becoming socially acceptable. I am concerned by how little my family and friends worry about me.

Being ripped and enlightened is as cool today as snorting cocaine and being a banker was back in the day. I've been told I'd be a smash hit in Bali. And I find Bali repulsive.

I overcame my number two fear this year: sharing a bed with another human being.

But the number one fear lingers: becoming one of Them. Mustn't become a slave to the Matrix.

No doubt: Plenty of good stuff has come with my new life.

And yet... something also feels like it's slowly slipping away.

The Hamster Wheel

I'm spinning more plates these days.

Relationship. Online programme. Private coaching. Video editing. Recording. Social media. Newsletter. Chinese learning. My own practice. Organising retreats and guests.

Feels like I'm doing the work of five people. Yes, it's meaningful. I receive much appreciation. How noble of me.

At another level, I wonder: Shit, am I creeping back into old patterns? Has the Goldman Sachs work ethic snuck back in, wearing spiritual clothes?

Because I'm running my own business and it's a one-man show, there's more to think about. I don't switch off the way I did as a lawyer. While I feel stable and calm amidst it all, more responsibilities means more thinking and busyness.

The balance is a little off. I'm starting to betray the inner space it is my job to help others protect.

So, adjustment is in order. I'm on day three of a tea break as I write these words. Turns out when I stop getting drunk on shu pu-erh at 4am, life feels less busy. Let's commit to this for the month.

The Plateau

I'm 34. The age where professional sportsmen start hanging up their boots. And in some sense, for a certain stage of my life, that's what's happening. The infinite expanse of adventure and possibility that characterised my twenties doesn't feel quite so infinite anymore.

I'm not as neuroplastic as before. Not learning so fast, recovering so fast, changing so fast.

I'm less of a sponge these days. I'm maturing. Settling.

Suppose this makes me a more reliable, settled teacher. My life and inner being are more stable. This is good.

And yet, there is something to grieve amidst this. The party is winding down. I feel a mixed bag of contentment but also an urgency to not waste the remainder of my youthful vitality. To do…

The Real Work

Many people look at me coming back into the world and say something like, 'Good for you, Ben! You're finally doing the real practice, which is in the real world. Finally coming back from hiding away in mountains and caves.'

They give me a pat on the back.

Part of me agrees. Feels proud.

But there's another part that revolts.

Deep down, I know myself. The deepest transformation of my life came in the deepest silence. Only those who have traversed similar realms will understand: internal excavation is far more challenging than dealing with external human stuff. Shutting off the world isn't avoiding the real work — distracting myself with busyness is.

And I ain't done yet. Could be ten times the gift to the world I am now if I really took the inner plunge.

The retreats this year confirmed it. In Vipassana, you circulate awareness through the body till the whole thing dissolves into electricity and space. When you do, deep buried shit gets dredged up. I can now get to this state at the click of a finger — which means old material surfaces fast. And there's a lot of it. The jaw break at 21, face wired shut with metal for eight years. A storehouse still locked in there, waiting. I got into this embodied meditation business partly to resolve exactly this. Meditation for me isn't floating off into the clouds but a deeply embodied healing process. There's a limit to how far I can grow with these blockages still in place.

So why am I not in a cave right now?

I tell myself I'm building towards my own retreat centre — caves 'n' all — and my present environment isn't quite there yet. But perhaps that's an excuse.

Earlier this year, a hardcore Buddhist practitioner lived 50 metres from me. Given up everything to meditate all day with the intention of becoming Buddha. He told me my path — the online work, the relationship, the teaching — was a mistake. In two years, I'd regret it.

I didn't listen. Thought it too strict and unnatural. That's of course what everyone else would say.

But I do wonder, from time to time...

To 2026

The external success stuff feels inevitable. Online programme has momentum. Chinese is clicking. In-person teaching taking shape. Barring catastrophe or enlightenment, these will grow.

The harder work is less glamorous: not becoming a spiritual entrepreneur. Not letting the Kung Fu dream curdle into a Kung Fu brand. Not ending up in Bali with a man bun, flogging breathwork to tech bros.

The real challenge? Becoming more quiet while doing more things. I wonder if this is a dubious proposition. Like becoming more sober while drinking more wine.

Time will tell.

More specific intentions follow. But here are the fluffier ones:

ONE THING: Quantum leap in resolving the jaw trauma through the top secret protocol I've been masterminding. Eight years of metal in my face wants out.

Beyond that:

• Be more simple and internally quiet than I am now, despite external pressures.

• Consistently express myself online in a way that touches hearts. Or at least mildly disturbs them.

• Retain space to deepen my Gong Fu practice and my relationship with Lele. Ideally without having to choose.

For the voyeurs among you, here is my more specific year review and intention-setting.

2025: Review

Domain	Target	Result	Verdict
Practice	1000h GKF	✓ Yes	Hit, though wanted more detail work
	40 days silent meditation	27	Miss. Excuses again.
	Front splits, side splits & chin to toe with 0 warm-up	Partial	Chair splits done. Others need work.
Chinese	1000 characters	1200+	✓ Exceeded
	70% comprehension with Shifu	✓ Yes	Jokes landing. Conversations flowing.
Health	<82kg light martial build	81.5kg	✓ Perfect
	95% clean (vegan, no intoxicants)	95%	✓ Yes
Business	10x GKF Online growth	25+ members	✓ Huge success
	3-4 new premium clients	1	Miss. Didn't put energy here.
	Book 80% complete	60+ chapters	On track. Picking up in 2026.
Rest	Weekly sabbath	Inconsistent	Miss. Evening discipline elusive.
	Mind fast 7pm-11am	50-90%	Partial. Harder with Lele present.
In-Person	20+ guests hosted	~15	Close. School conditions limited this.
	Retreat hosted	Mini (12 people)	Done. Big focus next year.

Summary: Strong on practice, Chinese, health. Weak on business development and rest discipline. The pattern: I nail what I love, neglect what I resist.

2026: Intentions

Domain	Intentions
Practice	• 1000h Gulun Kung Fu inc 1h deep solo practice daily on focuses • 30 days silent retreat • Front splits, side splits & chin to toe with 0 warm-up
Health	• Maintain <82kg light martial build • Blockages healed through new protocol • New place → better diet, all organic
Rest	• Weekly sabbath: no tech, tea, work • 1 month no tea (January) • More quiet, less busy than now
Online Work	• Zen Teachings of Shifu Wu Nanfang published • 200 members GKF Online • 5 teachers trained • Consistent content across platforms
Chinese	• 1600 characters (Upper Intermediate) • B2 fluency • Teaching and sharing content in Chinese
In-Person	• Retreats in Germany filled • 30 students visit China • Renovations complete: new room • Base established for 3x annual retreats with Lele